I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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