Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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