I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
