i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
