Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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