if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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