Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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