i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
