so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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