why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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