i need an iv and a liver transplant
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
