Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She's just so happy...and so naked.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
