this beer tastes like vomit already
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
