Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
