K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
