he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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