i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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