I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
