i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
