We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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