GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
