did you get engaged???
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Randomize
