I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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