Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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