i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
