Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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