dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
