Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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