he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
