Duck Duck Cougar?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
