I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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