No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
