Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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