Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
