ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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