Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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