He disabled his match.com account in front of me
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
