I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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