well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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