you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
