I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
that is very illegal...i love you.
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