So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We're not piercing ourselves today.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
