The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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