I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
