so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
