Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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