all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Randomize
