Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You did what with his pubic hair?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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