You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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