porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
