My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
