I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
