he puts the penis in happiness.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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