i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
