thus making me awesome and them whores
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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