When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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