First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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