Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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