When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We don't watch enough power rangers
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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