I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
