see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
