when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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