just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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