You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just found puke in my bra..
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
