i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
