i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
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My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
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I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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