Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
